Axis of Asshole

New initiatives to reduce border porosity will affect food harvests.
Where will we ever find enough migrant workers to pick dingleberries? Guess we'll have to pull some labor from the Cellulite mines.

Let's talk about breaking news -- the wheel.

Great invention or stupid gimmick?

We will let the internet's 70 biggest assholes decide.

And without the usual high-impact gyrations!

I just want to thank Ann Outhouse for inviting me to contribute!

For some reason I just feel at home here!

As in "I'm a speculum in the Axis of Asshole".

Or, given the latest cosmetic fad:


Technorati: Pajamas Media | axis of asshole

All the breaking wind Pajamas Media news is RIGHT HERE, baby!

I thought we needed a theme song, so I took a minute and wrote one!

I'm already getting flack from the people at Dr. Pepper! Those ASSHOLES!

Here:

I'm an asshole and I'm proud!
I used to feel alone in a crowd!
But now you look around these days...and it seems there's a giant asshole craze!

I'm an asshole, he's an asshole, she's an asshole, we're an asshole,
wouldn't you like to be an asshole too?
I'm an asshole, he's an asshole, she's an asshole!
If you knock PJ Media, you're an asshole too!
Us assholes are an interesting breed!
To be an asshole is what we need!
Ask any asshole and he'll say, "Only an asshole squeaks that way!"

I'm an asshole, he's an asshole, she's an asshole, we're an asshole,
wouldn't you like to be an asshole too?
I'm an asshole, he's an asshole, she's an asshole, we're an asshole,
wouldn't you like to be an asshole too?

Be an asshole! Axis of asshole!
Be an asshole! Axis of asshole!

On that note, this would be a fine time to open up comments and have a ButtJam™.
The topic to discuss:

"What is the Axis of Asshole?"

We don't have the coding capabilities to do a real ButtJam™ with byline photos, but we feel that doing first and figuring out later is in the true spirit of Pajamas Media.

Thought I'd make my own little contribution!

Download it and put it on your site!

Dennis the Peasant has some logos up for your consideration. There's no rush to choose one...we have months to decide. Afterall, we just launched a week ago. Pajamas Media hasn't even figured out their business plan more than a month after their own launch. I just left a voicemail for Aubrey Chernick...so our 7 million dollar check should be arriving any time now.

Patience people...

It's been a few days since the Axis of Asshole website launched. Many thanks to our friend John Cornhole for suggesting the name.

Work is still being done on the 500 page NDA but we'll continue to accept applications for membership. Only the 70 biggest assholes will be accepted, so if you are a squeakhole, it would be to your advantage to point out precisely how important your precious asshole is, in the big picture of blogging with gravitas.

Also, Dennis the Peasant often talks about "Springtime for Hitler" Media, so I wanted to let you all know about the very exciting AoA launch party. The theme will also be Broadway related.

The Asshole Monologues will premiere in NYC, at the illustrious Rainbow Room on Aubrey Chernick's dime.

Stay tuned for more information on our expensive and exciting launch! We can't wait to raise a stink!

Gee, since this is a website about the Axis of Assholes, I was inspired to create a logo.

Only time will tell if the hands will pull wider on the Pajamas Media farce.

But somewhere, lurking under the pajamas, you KNOW you're thinking of this image.

Technorati: Pajamas Media | Axis of Assholes

Og at Neanderpundit is a real BARKING SPIDER!

He, too, has a logo idea for Axis of Asshole!

LOOK!

I think it winked at me!

Update: Og is so proud of it, he wants you to see it HERE!

Have you seen Dennis the Peasant's blog? Dennis is a MAJOR asshole. GAPING. He's totally into the Axis. In fact, he has posted a wide variety of possible logos for our blog!

Look!

Way, to go, ASSHOLE!

Welcome, one and all, to AXIS OF ASSHOLE! I'd like to thank Pajamas Media member blogger John Cole for suggesting the name for this blog!

We're so impressed we've decided to follow the example of Pajamas Media and recruit the 70 BIGGEST ASSHOLES on the Internet to come here and vent their jealousy for the brilliant and totally superior bloggers who were lucky enough to be accepted by Open Sores Media!

Are YOU a big enough asshole? Here's a helpful guide to our levels of membership, in order of increasing diameter.

1. "Enlarged pore," 0.25-0.5 cm. You get a hundred hits per day, and you have given up trying to get an Instalanche.

2. "Squeakhole," 0.5-2.0 cm. You get between a hundred and five hundred hits per day, and you once called Charles Johnson a fascist.

3. "Hollywood Vagina," 2.0-5.0 cm. You get between five hundred and a thousand hits per day, and you have publicly asserted that Roger Simon wears a stupid hat because he is bald.

4. "Goatse Warrior," 5.0-10.0 cm. You get between one and five thousand hits per day, and you once put a flaming bag of dog crap on Glenn Reynolds's doorstep, rang the bell and ran like hell.

5. "Lunar Crater," 10.0-50.0 cm. You get between five and ten thousand hits per day, and you mailed a bloodstained bathrobe to Pajama Media headquarters.

6. "Mammoth Cave," 50+ cm. You get over ten thousand hits per day and your name is Ann Althouse.

Send your emails to ann_[spam diaphragm inserted]outhouse@yahoo.com, and we'll FedEx you our 500-page nondisclosure agreement. Let's get this party started, kids. Let's make it a real Asshole Blowout.